FIFA, the governing body of world football (soccer to us American Johnny-come-latelies) is going to hold an election to replace its notorious President, Sepp Blatter, in February 2016. All of the candidates claim to be running on a reform platform, saying they’ll clean up the corruption that resulted in fourteen indictments and seven arrests in May of 2015. Sounds good, right? Certainly FIFA appears to need to be shaken up, its culture changed and its site award system hosed off and expunged of bribery. Unfortunately, none of the candidates for President are what you’d call squeaky-clean.

The organization has just cleared five candidates in the race to succeed Blatter as president of world football. FIFA’s electoral committee says it conducted a thorough “integrity check” of each candidate, reviewing everything from corporate records to media reports of “potential red flags.”

One candidate, Liberian Football Association head Musa Bility, failed to clear that integrity check. But FIFA won’t say why, for “reasons of protection of personal rights.”

Another candidate, former football star and European soccer boss Michel Platini, wasn’t even considered. Like Blatter, he’s suspended while FIFA investigates him for corruption. He’s alleged to have accepted a mysterious $2.1 million payment from Blatter himself. Both men deny it was a bribe.

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Absent Platini, Sheikh Salman Bin Ebrahim al Khalifa from Bahrain is considered a favorite. But he’s perhaps the one with the most serious allegations against him. Forget corruption. This guy is accused by human rights groups of helping to imprison and torture people during pro-democracy protests in Bahrain back in 2011.

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Then there’s Prince Ali bin al Hussein. He’s the half-brother of Jordan’s King Abdullah, and a former FIFA vice president. He was on the inside when FIFA controversially awarded the next two World Cups to Russia and Qatar.

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Gianni Infantino is a Swiss lawyer who works for Michel Platini over at UEFA, the European soccer body. He’s said to be a good administrator, but also a stand-in for his boss, who I remind you is under investigation for corruption. If by some miracle Platini were to somehow pass his integrity check, the word is Infantino would step aside to let the boss through to the top.

Then there’s Jerome Champagne, a former French diplomat and FIFA insider, with old ties to Sepp Blatter. He’s the only candidate who’s put out any specific plans for FIFA’s future. It calls for a redistribution of wealth throughout FIFA.

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And finally, the so-called outsider in the race: Tokyo Sexwale. He’s a former anti-apartheid activist from South Africa who served time alongside Nelson Mandela. He’s since become a millionaire businessman, and now says he will “follow the money” to clean up FIFA. He’s also a former member of the organizing committee that brought the 2010 World Cup to South Africa. US prosecutors allege that organizers in South Africa paid $10 million to a now-disgraced former FIFA vice president in order to make sure South Africa was awarded the tournament.

If Jimmy Carter were asked to adjudicate this election, he’d suggest throwing out the nominees and starting over. The outfit certainly doesn’t seem to get the idea that its new President must be pure as the driven snow in order to show the world’s football fans that there will be no more bribes to get World Cups in sites more suited for the World Camel Driving (or maybe Water-Skiing) Championships like Qatar.